Saying Goodbye

I opened my home for fostering last November. It has been about 6 months that I have had a sibling group of three kids in my home. Most everyone said that I should start with one kid for the first time. I should have listened, but I thought if they are siblings then they can be there for each other. This is not always true.

These kids will fight with each other non-stop, but if I separate them to calm down, I am the bad guy and it is all my fault. I have tried to help them and give them the attention they need. However, I have come to realize that two of them need more specialized care than I can provide.

Sadly, three weeks ago, I had to alert the private agency I am going through that they need to remove the kids. If you have ever dealt with DHS, then it is no surprise that the removal process has been slow going. Last night things just kept escalating and I had to contact my caseworker that I need immediate removal of the kids.

It breaks my heart that it has come to this, but my hands have been tied. The kids have all the control at this point. They were allowed to make the house rules, which I was fine with and it gave them kids a feeling of control. However, they also made the consequences; stand in a corner, say three nice things about the other person, etc. They have control over whether or not they do those; they are not consequences I can really enforce.

If it were me and one kid, then I might be able to handle this better. I know there are a lot of single parents out there that have two or three kids and they manage. However, I have three kids and am unable to handle them all at once. The almost constant screaming, throwing toys at me and the wall, and no support from the agency I am going through has taken its toll. I asked for advice on how to handle situations and only received that when I spoke about removal of the kids from my home.

I am feeling all the emotions right now: still numb and not feeling like this is real; frustrated and angry at the caseworkers for the lack of support and the way they are now treating me since I have requested to leave their agency; sad over the way the kids were so abruptly moved; guilty because I feel relieved to not have the kids screaming and throwing things at me. It is hard right now and I am not okay.

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